It's still a new year

I've decided to expect a lot from 2011. 

More specifically, I've decided to expect a lot from myself this year. I'm not really one for resolutions. I'm more the type of girl who gets an idea I want to do something, no matter what month or time of day, and acts on it. (These things I act upon don't always get finished, but if they don't, then they tend to be things I'm not completely committed to. Once I make that commitment, I'm in, and it gets done.)


Case in point:

In November, I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to learn to play guitar. It just so happened he was willing to let me borrow the guitar he'd had sitting in his closet since high school. So I picked it from him (er, actually my dad picked it up from his mom because that was easier) a couple days later and have been slowly teaching myself chords. My goal is to play three songs at an open mic night hosted by another friend of mine. I've sung there before with that friend playing for me, but I want to be able to play for myself, just because I can.

I wanted to play guitar more than a decade ago. I took "lessons" for a day from my dad in high school. He doesn't even remember doing that with me because I recently asked him about it! I mostly kept the guitar (borrowed from my aunt) on a stand in my room. It got very dusty. In college, I took "lessons" from my (now) ex-boyfriend for a week. I either lost interest or gave up. I don't really remember. I'm not sure why it's different this time around, but it is. (If I had to fancy a guess, I'd think it has something to do with me being different this time around.)

I sometimes think it's easier for me to try and learn a new skill (ex: guitar) than learn something about myself. But something I have had to learn during this process is patience. 


I have never been a patient person. When I was 10 or something I had a birthday party at a mini-golf course. My mom wouldn't even let me finish the game I was so frustrated with the stupid ball not going into the stupid hole. I had so little patience I whacked that ball as hard as I could and it got lost in the fake pirate cave that went along with the whole course theme.


Back to patience: The first day I touched that guitar, I looked up some chords on the Internet. I sounded awful and it hurt my fingers and I wanted to stop immediately. In fact, I did stop for a couple of days. That guitar patiently sat in its case in my room just waiting for me to pick it back up, which I did because I couldn't stop thinking about it.

It wasn't easy letting myself sound bad. I tend to expect perfection from the get-go, but I wanted to play so badly I let myself be a novice. I'm still a novice now! I'll still be a novice when I play those three songs next week. But I'll be a presentable novice getting better every time I play.


So, back to what I want from this year. It's not a resolution, but I feel there is something to be said about a fresh start, and I consider any time in January to be a good time for new beginnings:

I want to remember to love myself, love those around me, love the city where I live and love the life I have been blessed with.

I've also found something new to love: guitar. I expect this love to stick around for a while.